It’s Really Me That Should Be Thanking You

Tonight I did something I haven’t done in quite a long time and it was good.

It was really good. I keep a box full of all the thank you cards, little notes, and pictures of all of my clients. It’s jammed packed full of hand written memories. Kind and thoughtful words written by women after going through one of life’s biggest transformations. Gratitude towards me at a time when they are the most open and raw.

I read through each one. Spanning back as far as 15 years, these notes brought a feeling about me that is hard to explain. It was a trip down memory lane for me as well. I remembered them all. Tiny details about them and their births. What I remembered the most was the feelings.

“It was a trip down memory lane for me as well.”

I can still feel the connection I had with each of these women. I can feel her strength and wisdom through the words on those cards. Each one of them says thank you in a different way, but the message is the same. While they may say “thank you” I know that it’s not about me.

A part of them will always be with me. No matter how many hundreds of births I witness and have the honor of attending, I carry a piece of each of them everywhere I go. I know because when I read their words I can hear their voices. The little bit of them that I hold onto helps me to relate to and connect with the next one.

I am a vessel that the spirit of these women flows through. The women that I meet now can feel the presence of those that I was with before. They feel a calm in me. They sense an understanding, a common place in me. Their spirit recognizes that I have been there before and I can go there again with them too. They feel a warm safe place in me.

“I am a vessel that the spirit of these women flows through.”

So I am the one that should be thanking them. Thanking them for their openness and allowing me into their space. Letting them know how they have played a part in the births of all of the hundreds that came after them. Those women made me a doula. I should be thanking them.

Heidi ShulistaIt’s Really Me That Should Be Thanking You

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